He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
