I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
