The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
