Soap is not a condiment
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
