Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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