You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
