Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
