Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
