I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
