I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
