And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
