Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
