my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
