gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I want to walk on stilts...naked
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Little spoons don't ask big questions
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
