My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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