My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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