Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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