i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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