please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have tasted many bathrooms
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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