at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
