I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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