Duck Duck Cougar?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
