I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
