Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize