I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
