There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
