Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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