I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im holly from the hills drunk
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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