They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
