Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
