1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
