if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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