Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
