would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
