I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
