I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
