how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
