I cockslap morals
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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