There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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