I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
