You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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