i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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