If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
