Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
