Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
