Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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