I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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