Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
