I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
