Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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