just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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