my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
